"The three 'L's' of real estate are location, location, location. The three 'R's' of youth involvement are relationships, relationships, relationships."

Laurie Jo Wallace, youth development trainer

Relationships are at the core of successful youth-adult partnerships. People who feel personally connected are more likely to learn from one another. They are also more likely to apply what they learn to the work of solving community problems.

Yet, age stereotypes, lack of trust, and feelings of awkwardness often create barriers that prevent adults and youth from working together effectively. For this reason, it is important that programs be designed to intentionally promote and support the building of relationships.

During today's session, we will look at some of the challenges that youth and adults face in working together, and identify some steps you can take to address these issues.

Overcoming Stereotypes
It is not always easy for young people and adults to work together successfully-especially around tasks that involve sharing responsibility and decision-making. Most adults are used to believing that they "know best." They feel entitled to tell youth what to do, and expect youth to simply listen and obey. This way of interacting, familiar on some level to most of us, is sometimes described by the term "adultism."

Adultism is any behavior, action, language, or limitation placed on young people's rights that does not afford young people the respect they deserve as human beings. It is often predicated on the belief that because someone is young, that person lacks intelligence or ability. This view leads to low expectations of young people. It also leads adults to believe that they can treat young people as they please, without their agreement. Common statements that reflect adultism include, "You're not old enough," "Do it because I said so," and "When are you going to grow up?" These comments leave young people feeling like no one believes, trusts, or respects them and that their opinions and/or convictions will not be valued.

Adultism often makes it difficult for youth and adults to feel comfortable working together. For youth involvement to be successful, both groups need to re-assess how they see each other and interact and to revise their basic assumptions about what youth are able to do. This process requires openness and preparation on the part of the organization, staff, and youth. It also takes time.

Key to this process is for both adults and youth to move beyond the belief that adults have all the answers, know what's best, and are always right. Adults should be mentors, not masters, helping youth develop the skills they need to reach their own goals and the goals others have for them. And their motivation should come from a place of respect, rather than from a desire to "save" or reform a child at risk. Young people need to believe that they deserve to be heard and taken seriously and that their ideas will not be ignored or rejected.

It is also important that adults be open to the multiple ways that they, too, can benefit by working closely with youth. Adults often have more education and skills than young people do, but youth usually have more firsthand knowledge of and experience with the issues affecting them-and they bring to the table great stores of knowledge, creativity, and commitment.

To work well together, youth and adults need to build relationships based on mutual trust and respect. They must be willing to share their ideas and experiences, listen to and value each other's strengths and contributions, adjust their views about what will and will not work, and work together in making decisions.

These adult-youth relationships are different in several important ways from parent-child relationships. In parent-child relationships, the power differential is real. Children don't always have equal "voting rights," because, in many cases, parents need to make the decisions: They are responsible for their children's well-being. In other cases, parents make the decisions because this is how they were parented themselves and so this is what they know to do. For adult-youth relationships to work, adults need to step out of the parenting role and accept that though they may play an important role in these young people's lives, they are not there to be caretakers.

Training for Adults and Youth
Training can help both adults and young people acquire the skills they need to work together effectively. Trainings should encourage participants to examine and re-evaluate their stereotypes of "typical" adult and youth roles and expected ways of interacting. Because it involves challenging deeply rooted beliefs, this process may feel uncomfortable. However, it will enable participants to develop new beliefs that are more conducive to healthy and productive interaction. Adults, in particular, should be encouraged to look at their own experiences as young people and how these experiences may influence current, adultist behavior.

What Adults Need to Learn
There are several concrete things that adults can do to enhance their working relationships with youth. To work together effectively, adults need to learn:

• All they can about youth language and culture. Youth often think, speak, act, and interact in ways that are quite different from adults. Awareness and appreciation of these differences can help avert future misunderstandings. It also establishes a foundation of respect, by sending the message that youth needn't act like adults to be taken seriously.
  
  
• How to listen and communicate. Because of the many differences between adults and youth, as well as their history of inequality, it is particularly important that adults learn to listen carefully to what youth have to say, to communicate openly and clearly, and to treat youth with respect.
  
  
• How to provide support and feedback. Youth need to feel supported- especially when they are engaging in types of work that are new to them and which have previously been done mostly by adults. However, make sure to balance praise with constructive feedback.
  
  
• Not to take every interaction personally! As we mentioned above, teens have their own way of doing things. They also have a history of not always being treated well by adults. So, if a teenager mumbles a greeting or is less than forthcoming with information, it might be OK to cut him or her a little slack.
  
  
• New ways to facilitate discussions and meetings. Since youth spend much of their time sitting in classes and being talked "at," they may not be used to sharing their ideas freely. Explore ways to structure meetings so that youth feel comfortable speaking out and stay engaged.

Adults can learn a lot about youth culture, how youth interact, and how to work with youth by going to youth-run meetings and events, or by visiting places where youth hang out. Adults often avoid making these trips, afraid that they'll feel out of place once they arrive. But feeling a little uncomfortable isn't always such a bad thing, as it offers an important glimpse into how youth must feel when they suddenly arrive on "adult" turf.

What Youth Need to Learn
Of course, learning is a two-way street. For adult-youth relationships to flourish, youth also need to acquire certain types of knowledge and skills, for example:

• Self-confidence, assertiveness, and self-advocacy. Since most young people have been taught to look to adults for answers and to accept these answers unquestioningly, it is especially important for youth to develop confidence in their own ideas and experience and to learn how to speak out and stand up for themselves.
• Listening and communication skills. Youth, too, must learn to express themselves clearly, listen carefully, be empathetic, and treat both adults and one another with respect.
• Concentration. Youth are generally used to a level and length of concentration that is appropriate for their age. However, working with adults may require longer attention spans and greater attention to more issues simultaneously.
• Organizational and decision-making skills. Few youth have these skills, because their experience has been limited by traditional expectations of what youth can do. To take on significant amounts of responsibility, youth usually need more training in these areas.
• Knowledge of substance abuse and its associated language. Though youth may be acutely aware of how substance use is affecting their lives, they are likely to know less about the science of prevention than adults who have been working in the field. Youth may need to acquire this knowledge before taking on higher-level tasks.

When young people are ready to take on more responsibility, they may also need to learn additional skills, such as public speaking, meeting facilitation, and project planning, implementation, management, and evaluation. As part of their training, youth might also find it helpful to observe committee or board meetings and to discuss these experiences afterward.

Training Format
Trainings that are largely experiential can help both adults and young people learn and practice skills that will help them work together successfully. Trainings should model the supportive tone and interactive techniques that the adults and youth will use when working with one another. A good trainer is key to setting this tone. The trainer should serve as a partner and guide, rather than as an instructor. Whenever possible, include youth as co-facilitators. Although you may have qualified trainers on staff, for initial trainings consider hiring "outside" experts with experience working with intergenerational groups.

Trainings work best when tailored to the needs of the group. Incorporate material that is specific to the participants' background, experiences, and community. Pose open-ended questions about relevant life situations, encourage a wide range of responses, and provide opportunities for sharing ideas and experiences. Formats that facilitate group learning and interaction include group discussions, brainstorming, working in pairs and groups, role-playing, team-building exercises, meeting simulations, and project planning activities (whether or not they are actually carried out).

Working Together over Time
It takes time to build trust and rapport and to change the habits that can hamper the development of strong, intergenerational relationships. Training is important, but it is only the first step. To keep youth involved, over time, it is necessary to create an environment in which both youth and adults feel comfortable talking to and connecting with one another. Specific strategies for doing so include the following:

• Encourage adults to get to know the teens they work with as individuals. Most young people relish personal attention from supportive adults and are eager to share their lives with them-they just need an opportunity to do so. When asked, young people are more than willing to talk about how their day has been, or about their friends, family, or job. Encourage adults to seek out opportunities to connect with their young co-workers-by asking questions (particularly ones that require more than a yes/no answer), helping them find transportation, if needed, or checking in with a phone call.

• Create a buddy system. Pair each young person working on your project with an adult they can turn to for support and guidance. This is a good way to connect people who you suspect will hit it off, but who, without motivation, might remain aloof.

• Provide opportunities for reflection. Set aside time for people to think about and discuss how their working relationship is evolving. Identify changing roles and responsibilities, and acknowledge any attitudes or beliefs that may be getting in the way.

• Say thanks! Go out of your way to let young people know that they are doing a good job and that you appreciate their contributions. Consider creating an awards program or hosting an annual recognition event.

• Involve parents or other family members (when appropriate). Parental support plays a key role in keeping youth involved in program activities. Invite parents and other family members to attend an orientation meeting. Distribute written information that describes your project and how youth will be involved. Then check in regularly with parents to share program updates, solicit questions, and find out how things are going.

• Put in the time! It's important for adults to be accessible to youth and spend time with them, both working and having fun. Often, in the act of "doing," intimate conversations flow more naturally.

Tomorrow's session, which focuses on recruitment and retention, offers additional strategies for keeping youth involved with your prevention program.

Please proceed to Activity 3:
Youth and Adults Working Together

References

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Bell, J. (1996). Adultism. Advancing Youth Development: A Curriculum for Training Youth Workers. Washington, DC: Academy for Educational Development/Center for Youth Development and Policy Research.

California Center for Civic Participation and Youth Development. (2004). Types of Youth Engagement Activities. Youth Voices in Community Design. Retrieved January 7, 2007, from www.youthvoicesoncommunitydesign.org/frames_models.html

Camino and Associates, Inc. (1996). Guidelines for Alternate "Caring" Behaviors. In Advancing Youth Development: A Curriculum for Training Youth Workers. Washington, DC: Academy for Educational Development/Center for Youth Development and Policy Research.

Guidelines for Working with Young People. (1995). Adapted from Tomorrow Is Ours: An Organizing Handbook for Young People. Brooklyn, NY: Children of War.

Klindera, K., & Menderweld, J. (2001). Youth Involvement in Prevention Programming. Advocates for Youth. Retrieved July 15, 2004 , from
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The Medical Foundation. (1997). Peer Leadership Preventing Tobacco. Boston, MA: Author.

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Norman, J. (October, 2001). Building Effective Youth-Adult Partnerships. Transitions, 14 (1). Advocates for Youth. Retrieved September 23, 2004, from www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/transitions/transitions1401_7.htm

Visions, Inc., & Camino and Associates, Inc. (1996). Framework for Understanding Adultism. Advancing Youth Development: A Curriculum for Training Youth Workers. Washington, DC: Academy for Educational Development/Center for Youth Development and Policy Research.

Young, K. S., & Sazama, J. (1999). 14 Points: Successfully Involving Youth in Decision Making. Somerville, MA: Youth on Board.

Young, K. S., & Sazama, J. (1999). 14 Points: Successfully Involving Youth in Decision Making. Somerville, MA: Youth on Board, p. 58.